Decisions, decisions

 “Many of life's failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”  ~ Thomas A. Edison

So often we all contend with the challenges of making decisions. Some are small while others are life changing and regardless of how those decisions influence our day-to-day routine it scares the hell out us. Change is a natural course in life. People’s reactions to change are irrational because most fear it since they do not want to fail or they do not understand why the change has occurred.  

You may have arrived at that those crossroads and perhaps you’re confronted with choosing to either keep going in the same direction, the easy route, or chose a different road and start a new chapter in life which could lead to failure.  Sometimes the kicker is that it’s not always your failure alone, to the same degree it could very well be your family’s burden to share as well. On the other hand, if it turns out that one is successful, your family will also reap the benefits. See the conundrum?

Weigh your options by making a pros and cons list. If the pros outweigh the cons consider the repercussions (either good or bad) of your decision and write those down. Then take a step back and contemplate the past and the challenges that you have overcome. That alone will compel you to believe that to try and fail is better than not trying at all.

I’m personally not afraid of failure. I believe that to grow into a mature person and become wise, we must fail at times. If you are unsuccessful now and then, you will learn to pick yourself up and try again, to conquer and persevere.   Now with that said, I’m terrified of the emotional impact my decisions might have on my children because if I fall on my hind end, I could very well bring them down with me. On the other hand, success would improve upon our lives dramatically.

What it all comes down to, if you are miserable where you’re at in life it’s time to make some changes. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen?” If you fall down, pick yourself back up and go on.  To be burdened with what if’s is all the more appalling than not making a daring attempt at something that could very well be rewarding.

How to resolve conflict

Is your day spent in complete chaos and are you up to your elbows in, well, work? You plug away doing your job while being forced into acting like a complete nincompoop giving in to ridiculous demands when all you really want to say is, “are you kidding me, in your dreams,” or “no freaking way.” Daydreaming of how incredibly awesome it would be to spew these derogatory remarks all over one person to the next. Okay, not really. Hopefully your mother raised you better than that and if not, maybe yoga/meditation class to find your happy place?

Honestly, loss of empathy for others can make for a miserable life. If you lose the ability to connect with others, you lose the ability to deal with the inconsistencies that inevitably occur. Maintaining composure and recovering quickly after a conflict can benefit not only your state of mind, it can benefit your health.

Resolving conflict is a skill that most people fail to learn. Most of us use past experiences and use the fight or flight approach in the heat of battle. However, once you gain theses skill sets you will use them as a constructive tool, vastly improving your relationships not only at work but your personal life as well.  

At first a person may have to revert to a childlike state and use the greatest gift given to humanity; the gift of pretend. That’s right, pretend you are happy. Sounds too simple does it not? Putting a smile on that face of yours has been proven to improve your mood and wellbeing. After you master the art of pretend, the real work begins.

Life is full of conflict, but we do have choices:

1)      Own our reactions, or throw a temper tantrum.
2)      State your emotions, or leave them guessing why you’re upset.
3)      Take accountability for your feelings, or play the blame game.

Rules of engagement:

1)      One person speaks at a time, and speak only for yourself. (I feel, I think, I believe)
2)      Avoid implying you know how others feel. (You feel, You think, You believe)
3)      Communicate what is really bothering you.
4)      When interactions are no longer productive, take a break.

As you are trying to sort out your differences with someone, it’s important to remember that you must confirm what you think heard before reacting and be accountable for your own actions. Also, take a moment to notice how you are about to react. Just a few seconds will grant you the self-control to put off judgments that you would not normally make.

Of course there’s always that split second when the little devil on your shoulder gets the best of you and before you know it, your auto reacting. It’s often not a good thing to auto react as it usually escalates the conflict.

Even if you are the greatest people person of all time, there are those days that will send you over the proverbial edge and you will use that potty mouth of yours. And it’s okay that you did so, appologize and move on. Just don’t make a habit out of it.