In Excile

Fooling all as I begat from the mother of lies, master at my deception until all collapses without forewarning.
Sinking so far I'm incapable of identifying normality again, yet desire courses through my veins like acid scorching what was once living.
Is it pain keeping me alive? No. It's a cruel joke that forces air into my lungs. A reflex that ought to be unnatural to the body, nonetheless alien to the mind delivering me into wickedness.
Or is this my descendent into madness? No answers for questions lost on deaf ears. My voice is silenced by my persuasion.
Attitude runs amuck then I'm chastised for it, saddened by consequence. Left with nothing, residing in isolation.
It hurts. The loneliness I'm exiled to, not understanding the why's. Still, here I am to dwell in solitude.
Again, antics flow like water and no one is wiser of the difference. As if anyone aspires as long as I have.
At hand lies the problem. Full refusal of all regulation as I wish not to be controlled, but long for love. Someone must exist whose up for the task. Thus far, paralyzed by fear because there is no such character.
And there it is. Simplicity at its best. Love won't intervene as I am no longer worthy of its possession.
Perhaps the amount acquired was my limit. Left broken with no hope of repair and not deserving of such.
Persecuted and bound in emptiness. Stranded in a moment of time, reaching for help with not another soul created for my salvation.
Trudging on while continuing to suffer since the better part of me died long ago leaving me forlorn with only bittersweet memories.

Contending to never surrender

In a world with so much chaos, can one obtain serenity? Having seen and heard the evil of all evils, then becoming powerless in its grasp. In earnest I stumble as I look for answers from questions that come out of nowhere while no one seems to care.
Begging for help, as I fall on my knees hoping there is mercy to be bestowed upon my readiness. There must be a way to restore the good that once graced this reality with a kind nature and encouraging ways. I refuse to believe that it is lost forever, as forever does not exist.

The essence of the human spirit is to prevail and continue on even when all is lost. But what to do when one is over come with sadness and is hard pressed up against the fervent brick wall that will not falter, even in the slightest? It traps you with its invisible hand as it paralyzes a person and tricks their mind into believing there is no alternative but the inevitable.

Woe after woe fills the air with its wretched affliction as evil persist and troubles anyone in its path. Like a tornado, it consumes and destroys leaving only the bad with little faith of the good. Presenting a false hope that humanity will band together to create a better world. In the event of such times, hope will not come about as it has been forgotten during the reconstruction of which will only be shadow of what once was.

What to do? What to do? A question in limbo that may never receive its well deserved answer. So I leave you with this my friend;
As evil consumes your very existence, are you throwing all down in defeat to go along with the crowd? Or, have you the courage to stand up and fight against the immoral atrocities that have taken possession of our very being.
Of course the world will heave you into its disposable pile, even if victory has landed in your lap. Does this pose a conundrum? I think not for the simple reason that your conscience will be clear because you’ve done your best to set things right.

Silhouettes in the Mist

I try to focus my eyes to see where I am but my vision is so blurred it’s impossible to make out. The air wraps around me, thick and warm with a yellowish hue that makes it difficult to see through. Curious about my surroundings, I concentrate on bringing it together until I find a focal point.   

Little by little I become aware of the hardwood floor beneath my bare feet. Bringing back my sense of sight, I come to realize that I am I’m upstairs in my grandma’s house. The smell is specific and familiar here, a musty pines scent. Calmness sweeps over me as I take in this revelation, appreciating the fact that I’m here once again.

Looking around I notice that everything appears bigger than the last time I was here. Abruptly I realize none of it is large; the fact is I’m small, no more than five years old. Amused I look straight up and start giggling when I catch sight of how far away the ceiling is.

The joy is suddenly removed from the atmosphere as the hallway turns a bluish-gray pulling my attention towards the last bedroom on the left. For no clear reason, I’m compelled to find out what is in there. While I walk towards the door, my feet become cold against the hard floor as I reach for the door to open it.

 Fear rapidly consumes me as I enter the room. Colors, along with all their warmth, are void in this place abandoning me to the cold. The vulgar smell of mildew burns my nose making my eyes water. The air is as thick as the smell hindering my ability to breath.

I take in the room spotting a bed against the far wall with a white bed spread and a lamp placed on the nightstand next to it. Even though the window remain shut, the tattered curtain is fluttering despite the fact that there is no flow of air.

Suddenly I sense I’m no longer alone yet I stand here by myself. Squeezing my eyes shut I think, who’s in here with me and why can I not see who it is, or what it is? I’m so frightened but I can’t seem to catch my breath to scream. I can’t move even though I am so scared. I feel it creep up on me. Terrified it’s going to get me; I find my voice and begin screaming, “I don’t like it here! I want to leave!”

Without warning, everything is warm and bright again and I am in the safe confines of my grandma’s bedroom. My brother and I are giggling while playing with her on the bed. Michael is only a toddler and Grandma is so young and beautiful. Laughing she throws the sheet up over our heads……